


Shadows Running From the Sun (Like Planets and Stars)

by newyorktopaloalto



Series: Derry's Premier Murder/Turtle Cult [3]
Category: IT - Stephen King
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Chatlogs, Crack Treated Seriously, Every IT canon wrapped into one fic, F/M, Humor, M/M, Multi, Post-Canon, Texting, Twitter, heavy formatting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-22
Updated: 2019-10-22
Packaged: 2020-12-28 11:56:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,891
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21136322
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/newyorktopaloalto/pseuds/newyorktopaloalto
Summary: [19:31] PattyThis is even sadder than the giant spider alien.[19:31] Stan…[19:32] EddieRich just asked Siri if you can be in love with two people at once.[19:32] BillHahahahaha.[Can be read as a stand-alone]





	Shadows Running From the Sun (Like Planets and Stars)

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: Still don't own IT. Title is a lyrical bastardization from Fighting Gravity by NKOTB. 
> 
> Yes, there's going to be more to the series. (And at least one of them will be an actual fic omg)
> 
> Thank you for reading, and I hope that y'all enjoy!

**Losers Club 2.0**

**[19:24] Mike** So I saw the new Mummy movie.

**[19:25] Audra** Michael, honey, no. Why? 

**[19:25] Mike** It was the Mummy. 

**[19:25] Mike** But not even Tom Cruise could save the franchise. 

**[19:25] Patty** Was Rachel Weiss your favorite character? 

**[19:26] Mike** Undoubtedly. 

**[19:26] Richie** Rachel Weiss is a character in it???

**[19:26] Patty** She’s not the character, she just plays one of the main ones in the original. 

**[19:26] Richie** i want to see this movie. 

**[19:27] Richie** i saw her once in a grocery store--she’s a handsome woman. 

**[19:27] Eddie** You’ve been to a grocery store? 

**[19:27] Richie** shot through the heart, eds, and you’re to blame. 

**[19:28] Bev** Eddie gives love a bad name. 

**[19:28] Stan** That song came out in 1986. 

**[19:29] Patty** I remember when that song came out. 

**[19:29] Bev** I remember blasting that song whenever it played on KXZW 98.1

**[19:29] Richie** kxzw 98.1, Bangor’s number one radio station for oldies AND the newest hits. 

**[19:30] Eddie** Sunday Service Mass starts at 6 AM. 

**[19:30] Stan** Followed by three hours of gospel music. 

**[19:30] Audra** Wait, all on the same station? 

**[19:31] Mike** Yes. 

**[19:31] Mike** It was the only station that wasn’t just static when we were all out in the sticks.

**[19:31] Patty** This is even sadder than the giant spider alien. 

**[19:31] Stan** …

**[19:32] Eddie** Rich just asked Siri if you can be in love with two people at once. 

**[19:32] Bill** Hahahahaha. 

**[19:32] Bev** What did Siri say? 

**[19:33] Eddie** ‘Rich Tozier, you’re not getting any tonight.’

**[19:33] Mike** Siri said that? I can’t even figure out how to turn her on. 

**[19:33] Mike** Wait, I didn’t mean it like that. 

**[19:34] Richie** it takes a delicate touch, Mikey lolol 

**[19:34] Richie** but i’ll ttyl. gotta get back into eds’ good graces. 

**[19:35] Audra** ‘ttyl’.

**[19:35] Audra** How am I the only one in touch with society?

* * *

  
**Patty**  
Can you pick up dinner on your way home? 

**Patty**  
Our oven might have just… imploded? 

**Patty**  
I don’t think that’s quite correct, but it’s all I have right now. 

**Stan**  
What? 

**Stan**  
Never mind - I’ll call you. 

* * *

  
**Ben**  
Do you think it’s too banal? 

**Mike**  
No, I think it’s sweet. 

**Mike**  
And she always sends us those videos, so it’s not like she doesn’t enjoy the thought. 

**Ben**  
I know, I know, I’m just…

**Mike**  
Nervous? 

**Ben**  
Hahahahaha, yeah. 

**Audra**  
It’ll be fine, honey, don’t worry. 

**Ben**  
Hello, Audra, nice to suddenly know you’ve become a part of this chat. 

**Mike**  
She was reading over my shoulder and I decided that it was easier to just add her. 

**Ben**  
You’re still in Florida? 

**Audra**  
I’m in between movies. 

**Audra**  
But seriously, Ben, she won’t say no. 

**Audra**  
Go get her, buddy. 

**Mike**  
You can do it, Ben! 

### 

**Richie “Trash Raccoon” Tozier ✔ @thefakerichietozier** if my eleven-year-old self could have even fathomed this pic _@billdenbrough58_ [billmiami.png] he would have died. 

**Ben Hanscom 🏠 ✔ @benhanscomdesign** _@thefakerichietozier @billdenbrough58_ hahahaha. Me too. 

**Eddie Kaspbrak @eddiek** _@benhanscomdesign @billdenbrough58 @thefakerichietozier_ Me too. 

**Beverly Marsh ✔ @marshfashions** _@eddiek @benhanscomdesign @billdenbrough58 @thefakerichietozier_ Me too. 

**𝆱♢laura♢𝆲 @sflauracalibitch** _@billdenbrough58_ i want your friends jeeeezus 

**Stanley Uris @stantheman** _@marshfashions @eddiek @benhanscomdesign @billdenbrough58 @thefakerichietozier_ Me too. 

**I… Am a Librarian @mikehanlon** _@stantheman @marshfashions @eddiek @benhanscomdesign @thefakerichietozier @billdenbrough58_ Me too. 

**Richie “Trash Raccoon” Tozier ✔ @thefakerichietozier** _@billdenbrough_ apparently you were very charming as a kid, Big Bill. good for you. 

**Audra Phillips Denbrough ✔ @audraaaden** _@billdenbrough58 @thefakerichietozier_ so what happened to him? 

**da bo dee da bo di @andorianblue** _@audraaaden_ will u be my mom?

**Bill Denbrough ✔ @billdenbrough58** Due to personal circumstances I am going on a social media hiatus. All book updates can be received by joining my mailing list at billdenbroughhorror.com.

### 

**Losers Club 2.0**

**[22:34] Audra** Bitch started stuttering.

**[22:34] Ben** Did you mean Bill?

**[22:35] Audra** No.

**[22:35] Eddie** Hey, Rich - how does it feel knowing that every single one of our friends is funnier than you? 

**[22:35] Bill** Did all of you actually have crushes on me, or were you just fucking with me on twitter? 

**[22:35] Richie** you were our charismatic leader, Bill, of course we were all a little in love with you. 

**[22:36] Stan** For once, I agree with Richie. 

**[22:36] Richie** remember when you agreed with me that drinking before our french final was a good idea? 

**[22:37] Stan** It was something I wish the repression had kept, yes. 

**[22:37] Bev** Oh, like Eddies grandpa outfits. 

**[22:37] Bev** Don’t worry, richie, I got your back. 

**[22:38] Richie** thanks, Bev. 

**[22:38] Eddie** :( 

**[22:39] Audra** The one picture I’ve seen made Eddie look like a gay GAP model. 

**[22:39] Bev** So like all GAP models?

**[22:40] Richie** it was BOTH. it was either the grandpa outfits or the short shorts--there was no in-between. 

**[22:40] Eddie** :( :( :( 

**[22:41] Mike** It’s been six minutes and Bill is still staring into nothing. 

**[22:41] Audra** He started stuttering about the responsibility. 

**[22:42] Bev** About being the recipient of six childhood crushes? 

**[22:42] Audra** The man does have an ego on him. 

**[22:42] Richie** if it helps, Bill, my crush was dropped quick. 

**[22:42] Richie** went to eds’ house for the first time and saw his mom. 

**[22:43] Bev** Was it the shorts? 

**[22:43] Richie** no, it was because he yelled at me so hard that he had to take a puff from his fucking inhaler before proceeding to continue his tirade. 

**[22:43] Eddie** You had a crush on me after that? Gross. 

**[22:44] Richie** :( 

**[22:44] Bill** I have not been stuttering, Audra is a liar. 

**[22:44] Mike** He was stuttering, I heard it. 

**[22:45] Bill** Mike is also a fucking liar. 

**[22:46] Stan** I don’t know, Mike doesn’t seem like a liar to me. 

**[22:46] Ben** I trust Mike a lot more than I trust Bill. 

**[22:46] Bev** I agree. 

**[22:47] Audra** I agree as well. 

**[22:48] Bill** How do you leave a group chat?

* * *

  
**Bill**  
Do you think any of them still have a crush on me?

**Audra**  
William, why are you like this? 

**Audra**  
But I don’t think so, no. 

**Bill**  
Oh. 

**Audra**  
???

**Audra**  
Do you WANT someone to still have a crush on you? 

**Bill**  
Audra, you’re my WIFE. 

**Audra**  
I hope it’s Mike. 

**Bill**  
Come upstairs, I want to talk to you. 

**Audra**  
Hold on, I’ll tell Mike to be quick. 

****

**Bill**  
You’re just watching Hogan’s Heroes re-runs. 

**Audra**  
Mike likes Richard Dawson. 

**Bill**  
Stop seducing Mike and come upstairs. 

**Bill**  
This is the real reason we’ve never had children, Auds. 

**Bill**  
You’re enough of one as it is. 

**Audra**  
Xoxo

### 

**TMZ ✔ @TMZ** _@marshfashions_ engaged to _@benhanscomdesign_? New pic has rumors running rampant.

**Richie “Trash Raccoon” Tozier ✔ @thefakerichietozier** _@marshfashions_ can i be your maid of honor? 

**Beverly Marsh ✔ @marshfashions** Only if you promise to wear a dress, _@thefakerichietozier_. 

**Richie “Trash Raccoon” Tozier ✔ @thefakerichietozier** _@marshfashions_ only if you design it, toots. #notthefirsttime #atleastyouhaveamannequinnow #istillhavescars

**💖Rita Hayworth💖 @dufresneonthebrain** congrats _@marshfashions_ n _@benhanscomdesigns_!!!!!

**loving in the moonlight @itsayamebitch** _@marshfashions_ congrat

**🐢turtle cult🐢 @tozierfan10101** if the internet doesnt get a pic of _@thefakerichietozier_ in a dress STAT i will perish 

**who killed laura? @snohomishjen** _@tozierfan10101_ bitch same????

**F A S H I O N B A B Y @bradsmith420** _@benhanscomdesign_ is a total hottie and i’m super jelly of _@marshfashions_

> **@marshfashions, @thefakerichietozier, @audraaaden & 411 other users liked this tweet**

**TMZ ✔ @TMZ** engagement between _@marshfashions_ and _@benhanscomdesign_ CONFIRMED. 25 SEPTEMBER, 2017.

**Eddie Kaspbrak @eddiek** _@tozierfan10101 @snohomishjen_ Just a warning - he looks like an idiot. [richandbev94.jpg]. 

**Richie “Trash Raccoon” Tozier ✔ @thefakerichietozier** _@eddiek_ okay, for this? i might break up with you. 

**🐢turtle cult🐢 @tozierfan10101** _@eddiek_ omgf sdkskskskskdk

**who killed laura? @snohomishjen** _@eddiek_ AHHHHHHHHHHHH

**Audra Phillips Denbrough ✔ @audraaaden** _@eddiek @thefakerichietozier_ why would any1 have a crush on _@billdenbrough58_ when they could have had THAT?

**Bill Denbrough ✔ @billdenbrough58** _@audraaaden_ ‘[A]ny1’.

**Audra Phillips Denbrough ✔ @audraaaden** _@billdenbrough58_ aren’t you on a twitter hiatus, William? Doesn’t that mean I shouldn’t have to see you here? 

**Bill Denbrough ✔ @billdenbrough58** I had to witness you type out ‘any1’ with my own two eyes, _@audraaaden_. 

**prostitution 💄 whore @stealingkimshouse** witness her _@billdenbrough58_

**the lone gay-ger @drkensington** ¿¿¿does _@thefakerichietozier_ dye his hair???

**kicking names and taking ass @johnniecomelightly** _@billdenbrough58_ Witness her. 

**Jack-in-the-Box Jesus @emilyyyyp** _@billdenbrough58_ W I T N E S S H E R

**Stanley Uris @stantheman** _@drkensington_ Yes.

### 

**Losers Club 2.0**

**[13:52] Patty** Congratulations!!!! Stan and I will skype you when he gets home!!

**[13:52] Bev** Thank you!!!!! We should all have a big skype chat!!

**[13:53] Richie** Woooo, this is going to be the sickest wedding ever!!!!

**[13:53] Bev** So excited you properly capitalized the beginning of your sentence. 

**[13:53] Richie** i have had a best man speech prepared since we were all thirteen. 

**[13:54] Richie** i just knew that some of us were going to get married to each other. 

**[13:54] Richie** it’s basically a mad lib though, so there’s plenty of room for nkotb references. 

**[13:55] Bev** There will be only one speech at my wedding and it will be yours, Richie. 

**[13:55] Richie** Perfect. 

**[13:56] Eddie** Please take this inane conversation somewhere else. 

**[13:56] Bev** Shouldn’t you be working?

**[13:56] Richie** shouldn’t you be at work, Eds?

**[13:56] Eddie** Bill, save me, I’m being ganged up on. 

**[13:57] Audra** Bill can’t save you now. 

**[13:57] Eddie** :( 

**[13:58] Mike** I can’t believe you actually killed Bill. 

**[13:58] Bill** I can. 

**[13:58] Audra** hahahahaha 

**[13:59] Richie** that’s ominous.

* * *

  
**Eddie**  
I am so happy for you, Bev. 

**Eddie**  
You deserve this so much. 

**Bev**  
Thanks, eddie. 

**Bev**  
And you’ll take my call when I start freaking the fuck out at three in the morning? 

**Eddie**  
Yeah, I’ll just tell Rich that I’m expecting a call from my secret lover. 

**Eddie**  
So he doesn’t wake up and try to bother us. 

**Bev**  
This conversation is really funny considering youre gonna be next. 

**Eddie**  
Hahahahahahaa

**Eddie**  
See if I take your fucking call now, honey.

### 

**Richie “Trash Raccoon” Tozier ✔ @thefakerichietozier** link to my change.org petition to give _@eddiek_ a verified _@twitter_ checkmark. 

**Richie “Trash Raccoon” Tozier ✔ @thefakerichietozier** i mean look how cute _@eddiek_ is _@twitter_. [eds104.png]

**Eddie Kaspbrak @eddiek** change.org. Jesus Christ, Rich.

> **@thefakerichietozier replied to @eddiek**  

>
>> did you accidentally not dm me, babe?  

>>
>>> **@eddiek replied to @thefakerichietozier**  

>>>
>>>> No.

**𝆱♢laura♢𝆲 @sflauracalibitch** _@tozierfan10101_ how many pics has richie taken that new pic he posted is labelled !)$ 

**🐢turtle cult🐢 @tozierfan10101** _@sflauracalibitch_ dude were you trying to capslock numbers

**is mayonnaise an instrument? @richardtozierd** verify _@eddiek_, _@twitter_

**who killed laura? @snohomishjen** _@twitter_ verify _@eddiek_ the picture alone should be enhough!!!! 

**ricky ricky ricardo @laboiiiiiis** yooooooo _@twitter_ you should verify _@thefakerichietozier_’s stupid hot twink boyfriend _@eddiek_

> **@thefakerichietozier & 134 other users liked this tweet**

### 

  
**Eds**  
I am going to sue you. 

**Rich**  
sue me??

**Rich**  
???

**Rich**  
Eds?

**Rich**  
Eddie?

**Rich**  
babe i love you, please unlock the door. 

**Author's Note:**

> xoxo


End file.
